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Flat to fem?

I had originally intended to use this one for a segment of Your Friday Dose of Woo. Unfortunately, when I tried to start writing, I realized it was unsuitable. No, it wasn’t unsuitable because the content wasn’t delightfully loopy enough to deserve targeting. The problem was that it was an insufficient–shall we say?–target-rich environment. Again, this wasn’t because the overall concept wasn’t bizarre enough. No, it is certainly more than strange enough to qualify. It was that there was so little information on how this supposedly works and the little information that was there was vague in the extreme, on the order of using “herbs, nutritial supplements, and massage techniques to get the effect you want,” and you have to buy the book if you want to know more. For me to have my traditional fun on YFDoW, there has to be a bit more, like some “quantum” mechanism, homeopathy, or even Dr. Emoto’s description of how he can change the shape of water crystals by speaking at the water with “intent.” Without a bit more woo-ey meat on the bones, it’d end up being a mighty short YFDoW.

Which is why it’s perfect for a quick weekend fluff post.

So what are we talking about? Why male breast enhancement, of course:

Men love breasts – that’s a given. But did you know it’s also possible for them to have a fully developed set of their own? It’s true! My name is Lucille Sorella and for the past two years, I have been helping males of all ages obtain the breasts of their dreams.

Male breast enlargement might sound impossible, but it’s actually quite simple.

Males and females are born with the exact same breast anatomy. The only difference is that females produce hormones during puberty that lead to the development of the breasts. Males produce testosterone, which prevents these changes from occurring.

But what would happen if a male duplicated the hormonal conditions of an adolescent girl? You guessed it: his breasts would grow!

This is the basic principle behind transgender hormone replacement therapy (HRT), but the good news is that you don’t need harsh drugs to trigger breast enlargement. Mother nature has blessed us with numerous herbs that have a hormonal effect on the body.

By combining estrogenic herbs with other hormone enhancing techniques, it is possible for any male to experience rapid and dramatic enlargement of the breasts!

Yep, if you’re a transsexual or just a guy who wants to have boobs, you no longer have to take exogenous “nasty” estrogen that the doctors would give you to achieve this. Oh, no. You can now take herbs and use unspecificied “hormone-enhancing” techniques”–if you pay Lucille Sorella $27-67 (depending on whether you want the download or the “premium package,” although a guy who wants boobs probably isn’t concerned about having a “premium package” if you know what I mean (sorry, couldn’t resist.)

You see, that’s about all the information this site gives regarding its technique. Thin gruel indeed for YFDoW. However, there are the testimonials. Oddly enough, only roughly half of them come from transsexuals. The rest come from regular heterosexual males. A couple of examples:

I am a heterosexual male. I have always felt that a part of me was trapped in my body (my feminine side), and that over time as I grew, so did that other part of me, at the same rate. I finally decided to set my feminine side free and grow breasts and have more feminine body. Over Thanksgiving, I visited my parent’s house. My mom and sister said they noticed my breasts had grown a lot. In fact mine are now larger then my mom’s and sister’s. I never never thought it could happen so fast. It may sound crazy, but this feels like a new spirit of freedom. My girlfriend supports my decision and she told me she is also working on enlarging her breasts, so we’re doing this together.

I’d have thought that most women would find the thought of their husbands or boyfriends growing large breasts (that’s assuming this thing actually works, and I tend to doubt that it has anywhere near the results claimed) to be, well, a bit icky. Apparently there are some women who do not:

Hi Lucille! I purchased your Flat2Fab program last year. You might remember that I mentioned my boyfriend being all excited about this and how he wanted to try your program, too. I had no objections since he already had boobs that were bigger than mine! (Capable of filling a standard A cup.) I figured that at least one of us might as well see if we could get some really BIG increases. Here is a present stage photo for you to take a peek at. As you can see, his breasts make mine look absurd! Both of mine in their present condition couldn’t match one of his! He’s happy, I might get a complex! I’ll keep trying, but really appreciate the safe and natural approach you’ve taken and how nice you were to me when I first contacted you.

I guess the couple that enlarges their breasts together, stays together. Of course, if I were a guy interested in this, my main questions would be:

Will your program will make me impotent?

I have not found any evidence that suggests that the herbs or techniques included in my program cause impotence.

Will using your program cause my penis to shrink?

No; there have been absolutely no reports of penis shrinkage from males who’ve used my program. Synthetic hormones could have this effect, but fortunately, herbs are much more gentle with few side effects.

Imagine my relief to learn this.

There are, of course, pictures, as well, but if this whole thing catches on, I can’t help but be worried that we’ll be seeing more He-Boobies this summer:


And we really don’t want to see that, do we?

Here’s a thought: Lucille can hire Derf to work on some advertising material for her.

By Orac

Orac is the nom de blog of a humble surgeon/scientist who has an ego just big enough to delude himself that someone, somewhere might actually give a rodent's posterior about his copious verbal meanderings, but just barely small enough to admit to himself that few probably will. That surgeon is otherwise known as David Gorski.

That this particular surgeon has chosen his nom de blog based on a rather cranky and arrogant computer shaped like a clear box of blinking lights that he originally encountered when he became a fan of a 35 year old British SF television show whose special effects were renowned for their BBC/Doctor Who-style low budget look, but whose stories nonetheless resulted in some of the best, most innovative science fiction ever televised, should tell you nearly all that you need to know about Orac. (That, and the length of the preceding sentence.)

DISCLAIMER:: The various written meanderings here are the opinions of Orac and Orac alone, written on his own time. They should never be construed as representing the opinions of any other person or entity, especially Orac's cancer center, department of surgery, medical school, or university. Also note that Orac is nonpartisan; he is more than willing to criticize the statements of anyone, regardless of of political leanings, if that anyone advocates pseudoscience or quackery. Finally, medical commentary is not to be construed in any way as medical advice.

To contact Orac: [email protected]

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