Complementary and alternative medicine Friday Woo Humor Medicine Pseudoscience Quackery Skepticism/critical thinking

Your Friday Dose of Woo: Your interactive quantum gyroscopic homeopathic DNA activating….

Here’s something I’ve wanted to try for a while now. It’ll either be wildly successful and popular, along the lines of You Might Be an Altie If…, or it’ll be an utter failure, sinking into oblivion. Which one it ends up being will be up to you, O faithful readers of Your Friday Dose of Woo. The beauty of blogging, of course, is that if it fails next week I can pretend that it never happened and move on to (hopefully) greener pastures, my utter humiliation at publishing crap quickly forgotten, except, of course, living forever on the web.There are two other reasons that today is the perfect day to try this. First, it’s the very first day of Year Two of Your Friday Dose of Woo (or Year Two of Woo, for short). Second, I’m out of town. Thursday was really busy, and I didn’t get back to the hotel until late. Fortunately, I had started this little (again, I hope) gem before, and it now requires only a short period of time to finish. OK, it’s a bit of laziness, but I hope it’s fun laziness that engages you and lets you have a lot of fun.

So what, dear readers, is this audience participation? Simple. You see, after a whole year of doing this pretty much every week, I think I’ve been steeped in so much woo that, now when I read it I have a tendency to think one thing: I could do better. (OK, I’m not sure that I could do better than Life Technology, Lionel Milgrom, or the DNA Activation guy, but I think you have to be seriously disturbed to outdo that woo.) In fact, I have every confidence that, between you and me, we can give it a good try.

So, here’s what we’re going to do. Imagine, if you will, the most awesome woo that you can think of. Then chime in on this thread to tell everyone what it is, how it works, and what it can do, building on my start and on what your fellow cravers of that Respectfully Insolent™ thing that Orac does. The woo-ier, the better, the more sincere-sounding, the better. If you want inspiration, just go back and peruse some of the victims–I mean subjects–of previous Your Friday Dose of Woo installments, or just peruse the Life Technology or Bio-Resonance websites . What I may do in a future installment, assuming this works, is to take your responses, plus whatever inspiration I can come up with, and weave them into One Woo To Rule Them All. As you add to this project of woo, imagine yourself as Deepak Chopra on steroids (a truly scary thought!) and forget about all notions you might have of evidence-based medicine or that nasty materialistic science.

The sad thing is, if I posted it without irony, there’s probably someone out there who would think I was serious. In fact, I may post a link to the CureZone discussion boards when I’m done and see if anyone takes it seriously.

So, let’s get started. The name of the product is the Orac Quantum Gyroscopic Homeopathic DNA-Activating Resonating Magnetic Colon Cleanser. And this is what it can do.

The ancients understood that all life is in harmony. That is because it resonates with all other life, and this life force infuses us all. Modern allopathic medicine has lost sight of this basic fact and no longer understands which is why it can only treat the symptoms of the patient, rather than the whole person. The source of all disease is contamination that interferes with the resonance between a person’s qi and the universal consciousness. Only through detoxification and resonating with the music of the spheres, the inaudible higher frequencies of the cosmos that affect all life on earth can true healing be achieved. Fortunately, we have been given access to the ancient writings of the greatest healers of all time, which we combined with the best that modern science has to offer, further inspired by Christian Friedrich Samuel Hahnemann’s concept of similia similibus curentur or ‘let likes cure likes,’ here at Respectful Insolence we have developed for you–yes, you!–the Orac Quantum Gyroscopic Homeopathic DNA-Activating Resonating Magnetic Colon Cleanser.

Your turn…let ‘er rip! You’ve had a year of the most amazing woo out there. Let’s see how much of it you’ve absorbed. Let’s show these woo-meisters what real woo is! Feel free to suggest additional products. After all, if Life Technology can have a dozen or so amazing products, having a few good ones in this nascent project isn’t too much to expect!

By Orac

Orac is the nom de blog of a humble surgeon/scientist who has an ego just big enough to delude himself that someone, somewhere might actually give a rodent's posterior about his copious verbal meanderings, but just barely small enough to admit to himself that few probably will. That surgeon is otherwise known as David Gorski.

That this particular surgeon has chosen his nom de blog based on a rather cranky and arrogant computer shaped like a clear box of blinking lights that he originally encountered when he became a fan of a 35 year old British SF television show whose special effects were renowned for their BBC/Doctor Who-style low budget look, but whose stories nonetheless resulted in some of the best, most innovative science fiction ever televised, should tell you nearly all that you need to know about Orac. (That, and the length of the preceding sentence.)

DISCLAIMER:: The various written meanderings here are the opinions of Orac and Orac alone, written on his own time. They should never be construed as representing the opinions of any other person or entity, especially Orac's cancer center, department of surgery, medical school, or university. Also note that Orac is nonpartisan; he is more than willing to criticize the statements of anyone, regardless of of political leanings, if that anyone advocates pseudoscience or quackery. Finally, medical commentary is not to be construed in any way as medical advice.

To contact Orac: [email protected]

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